Two years ago this month, I had my first surgery. What you may not know, or not remember now that you've been (so graciously) listening to it for so long, is that at that time, it wasn't this hugely known "thing" I was doing. I hadn't begun shouting it from the rooftops or writing about it or really telling people outside of my circle. It was still scary and unknown and kind of embarrassing.
And then something happened. Somewhere between recovering, being surrounded by so much love and support and getting my life back together, I found my "thing." I found this emotional, empowering platform to stand on and be a voice for other young women that have a strong family history or maybe even have a BRCA mutation, too. I re-found my love for writing and started to feel like what I did and my courage to speak up about it could really be impactful to the lives of so many, rather than just myself.
But it wasn't always easy. Now two years later, it's obviously much more fun to remember all the cool people I've met and experiences I've been able to be a part of, but that wasn't all of it. There were times where I was worried about my scars, literally and figuratively, re-appearing and not always being able to be this extremely positive "you go girl" type person.
I was thinking about this little rut I almost allowed myself to get in, as I was re-reading some of my old blog posts. It really is an energizing thing for me to go back and revisit old stories and posts and times in my life. It's so easy to keep looking ahead, but so much happened, and I'm glad I have a lot of it literally archived.
I wrote a post about the fear of losing my identity, back in January 2015. And as I was reading this one, it kind of made me a little sad. I clearly was having a bit of a hard time adjusting to who I was becoming and where I had been and where I should go next. It wasn't until now, 15 months later, that I'm looking back and thinking, "Wow. I could have so easily just let this go." Of course I ended that blog post on a positive note, keeping that "you go, girl" attitude I so strive to make consistent, but clearly it wasn't enough.
It wasn't until six months after that downer of a post that I came back to The Molly Effect. Yes, I had bachelorette parties and home-buying and a wedding keeping me busy during then, but I chose to stay away from here. And I know it was out of fear of the unknown. And maybe a little awkwardness. It was hard to get back to writing when I didn't know where I was going or what I was going to do next. And to be honest. I don't really know when the switch flipped. But it did.
What I'm trying to get at here is that it would have been so easy to say, you know, I did this "thing" and made this impact and now I'm ready to stop working at it. That would have been so easy and I don't think anyone would have blamed me. But that would have been so, so lame. Little did I know back then that my story was just beginning, and that I had the ability to determine the next chapters ahead.
I'm not anywhere near the ending of my story, but I know I'm glad I kept it going.
Nearly two years later, I'm finding more ways to make a difference, more ways to share my story and more courage to keep it going.
If you're in a place right now where you feel like giving up or calling it quits just because you can't see where you'll go next or how you're going to get there, I'm going to tell you to hold on. Your best, most compelling chapters of your story could still be ahead, even if they're unclear or not quite ready to be written. I'm telling you this because I'm glad I had people telling me the same thing, and encouraging me to not be done just yet.
And to all my advocates out there, thanks for keeping me afloat and continually empowering me to find my next "thing," and also to keep this one going. I'm so grateful for all that's happened in the last two years, and am excited that soon I'll have even more new pieces of my story to share with you here (fun projects in the works!) Until then, I'll just keep jogging down memory lane, brainstorming and daydreaming my next few chapters (and blog posts).
Hang in there. I'm so glad I did. Xoxo,